Realistic

Okay so by this time next year i want to be able to complete the following things:

• Get my drivers licence
• Complete my AS course at Liverpool and start getting ready for my A level course
• Be finishing Camp America, or if i dont get on that, to be returning from a summer away doing something constructive
• Have my house fully decorated and organised
• Attend a convention
• Have a job

 Let's hope that this year is going to be good!

what?

When did life become crying yourself to sleep at night? When did doing something life changing make everything so much harder? why did a uterus have to be so messed up?
I literally have no idea what I actually want to do. I can go aupairing in a different country for upto 2 years. But the only good thing would be staying in a new place and its not guaranteed for two years. I could stay volunteering and go germany for 3 months and see what happens next. or i can carry on this plan and go bak to college for 2 years. I chose this for my family. people who are blood related who wated to me stay because they missed me. Yet how come ive seen them once? and another member 4 times. how come i am the one that has requested this and how come it was me who arranged these? No one even bothered to check if i was okay with things. no one even bothered that I had to go to hospital. They've seen a man, a man who commited such an awful crime, the amount of times that they've seen me, yet they want to accept him into the family.

When did life become this? surely its meant to get a bit easier?

Things in my life

So i haven't blogged in such a long time; main reason i didn't have Internet access that much. Today has been a day of thought. I'm in a place in life where I have life changing decisions to make. Do I carry on and study? Do i travel more? Do I work abroad? Even though I think I've made up my mind, there's still bits of me that want to go on more adventures. I know people say we have our whole life for adventure, which we do, but there's parts of me that think hen marriage comes around, especially with children, life is going to be a lot tougher to have adventures. So the argument comes in to not get married until a later age; I don't want to do that. I want to have the family, after my mission, where we have family home evening, and I can have that board where it says who is doing the lesson and what not. I realise that this may not make sense to everyone but I will explain at a later date. I realise that I may sound pathetic saying this, but these realisations make me realise that I know what I want in life.
Since having my Patriarchal blessing, I read over it quite often. Each time I read it I realise how blessed I am to have it in my life. Even though it isn't always easy, I know what I want, I just need the faith to get me there.
I feel like such a teenage girl right now. Having a stupid crush on someone that cant happen, yet. I say yet as i hope, but then doesn't everyone? I cant even write to much on this because it will make it stupidly obvious and we'll just have to wait really. wait, such a sad word. I miss this person a heck of a lot though. Its hard not knowing things. I felt like life was good, and things were a lot easier to understand with them around. Every time i see them I get so happy and i just feel like for once the world is right. However, when I saw them this time things were different. I wasn't THAT apprehensive about seeing them. Usually I get way stupid and go through illogical scenarios in my head, but this time it just felt natural to go see this person. I know it sounds stupid but I'm only a teenager for another year and a bit, so I'm allowed right?  but i will just have to wait.

But mission. I so badly want to serve a mission. I know that i want the perfect family, but that can wait until after my mission. After all i will have hopefully finished my mission in three and a half years. that makes life exciting! :) Ive started to go through preach my gospel and get familiar with the scriptures; hopefully this will help a lot.
I know life wont be easy by any stretch, but I hope it gets a tad easier than what it has been! I've gotten into three colleges since being back. so hopefully my route is education. this does make me happy, a lot :)

so yeah after much moaning i think sleep should be in order, after a read of more scriptures.

You mean the world to me

Okay so this blog is basically a moaning blog, and it could offend a few people but to be honest it's a blog and it's meant to portray what I feel, right?

Okay so it's 8 days until i go, which really makes me happy! I just wish some other people would be happy too. So I have a family that I love to pieces but its always me that has to make the effort to see people, not ith all my family, just a large proportion and this makes me sad. I arranged to see some family members over the week so that I can actually see them before I go away, but do they answer my calls or texts? no. Like i make the effort to actually see them, I'm travelling to them, but no this doesn't make a difference. So I have decided that I shall wait for them to contact me. If they don't, well then i don't particularly care :) It seems harsh but why should I do all the running around?

Saying this, especially YSA, people have been actually asking how things are going and actually saying that they're going to miss me, not even my family have said this. But it just makes me so happy to actually have amazing people in my life right now, people that actually care and people that make my days! :) I do love all the people on my life, it would just be nice if I wasn't doing all the running around all the time! But hey it's only 8 days then the concern is what am i going to do with potentially pooing in the ground! nice eh? ;)

But yeah this is my rant over :) I am now going to have a nice soak and do a bit of tidying before my day with Jade tomorrow! :)

My life would suck without you

I don't even know why I have names this post this, but It just came into m head.
I don't even know what I'm actually going to write about so lets see where this goes!
So today I received a patriarchal blessing. for those who don't know what this is, its a Blessing from our Heavenly father guiding us with our , if we follow and keep His commandments. For me its a guideline of my life, things that I will do with my life. That is probably one of the worst explanation of it, but hey I'm tired. It was nice to hear the things that were said today, and to know that Heavenly father contacted me through such an amazing man, made me feel special.

Not knowing where I was going in my life was pretty hard, and I still don't really know, but at least I have the guidelines and the promises that I want for my life.

I love the people around me so much lately. They mean so much to me. However, I am looking forward to meeting new people whilst I'm away.

This post pretty much sucks, but hey, my life would suck without a lot people, and theres some people that I want for the rest of my life.

You Give Me Inspiration

Okay so there is only 16 days until I leave, which means 16 days until I can send this letter! I didn't even think about sending one until October, but after a request and being allowed why not?! I realised that not a lot of people will have any idea what I'm talking about but writing this is just making me so happy! :) I don't know if there is any reasoning behind this request but there's a lot  of me hoping that there is :)
But every time I feel 'low' or away just a little message, obviously that cant be read until the return, but like just writing them gives me inspiration that I can actually do this! I know that this is sounding really gay right now but everything about this makes me happy!
After re thinking everything that happened I just want these two weeks to fly by!, well not totally as I'm going to miss a lot of people! But a reply is what I'm wanting more than anything! :) just the words 'yes to everything' would be amazing :) :) but yeahhhhhh i totally don't know what else to write on this so I shall end!

Never give up on that one thing you want the most; nothing is impossible!

For us, there will be a Sunday

Whilst sat in Relief Society today this saying was said: 'For us there will be a Sunday'. This really stuck out for me. We were discussing how we, as Mormon's, will always have a Sunday where we can come and renew our covenant by the partaking of the sacrament. We know that everyday can be a different day, we can find a day really pleasant with no trials, or we can find a day one of the hardest that we've ever faced; but we know that on the Sunday we can renew ourselves.
Someone once said to me that why should I live my day in regret with the feel for repentance when you do wrong. I pondered this a while, and today I finally came up with a comeback, which is: How can a person expect to run and finish a marathon if they haven't trained? I know that isn't the best comeback, but for me it’s how I feel. If I do wrong I want to repent and become like my Heavenly father because I want to return to be with him one day. I'm not asking anyone else to do this; it's something that I want to do. In life I have multiple goals and returning to live in the Celestial Kingdom is one of mine. It means a lot for me to know this. 

As I woke this morning I realised that I haven't gotten an Easter egg, mainly because I ate mine the other day, but I felt a little saddened by this fact. However, as I reached the church I realised that Easter is so much more than getting chocolate; it's about our Saviour. I have never celebrated Easter before from a religious point of view; it's all new to me. So today it was really nice to be able to listen to the words that were spoken about our Saviour and the things that He did for us. In my Sunday school class today Jason asked a very simple question, which was: do you believe that Jesus loves you every day (or something along those lines) my first reaction was obviously yes I do believe that, but after a little discussion I realised that I didn't know that. I know that Jesus loved us so much that He suffered for all our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, and that he endured the sufferings of being crucified for us, but I didn't really think about what he does for us today. For me he works with the Gift of the Holy Ghost, a spirit that lives inside of me to guide me and give me blessings. I am eternally grateful for this because it gives me that Testimony that my Saviour lives. 

Upon leaving church today my Sunday school teacher (I went into a different class) gave me an Easter lamb chocolate that had this message on the back: "Come now, and let us reason together," saith the Lord: "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18

That really summed up my thoughts today. I am eternally grateful for the Gospel in my life, and going to church today made me realise this