Things in my life

So i haven't blogged in such a long time; main reason i didn't have Internet access that much. Today has been a day of thought. I'm in a place in life where I have life changing decisions to make. Do I carry on and study? Do i travel more? Do I work abroad? Even though I think I've made up my mind, there's still bits of me that want to go on more adventures. I know people say we have our whole life for adventure, which we do, but there's parts of me that think hen marriage comes around, especially with children, life is going to be a lot tougher to have adventures. So the argument comes in to not get married until a later age; I don't want to do that. I want to have the family, after my mission, where we have family home evening, and I can have that board where it says who is doing the lesson and what not. I realise that this may not make sense to everyone but I will explain at a later date. I realise that I may sound pathetic saying this, but these realisations make me realise that I know what I want in life.
Since having my Patriarchal blessing, I read over it quite often. Each time I read it I realise how blessed I am to have it in my life. Even though it isn't always easy, I know what I want, I just need the faith to get me there.
I feel like such a teenage girl right now. Having a stupid crush on someone that cant happen, yet. I say yet as i hope, but then doesn't everyone? I cant even write to much on this because it will make it stupidly obvious and we'll just have to wait really. wait, such a sad word. I miss this person a heck of a lot though. Its hard not knowing things. I felt like life was good, and things were a lot easier to understand with them around. Every time i see them I get so happy and i just feel like for once the world is right. However, when I saw them this time things were different. I wasn't THAT apprehensive about seeing them. Usually I get way stupid and go through illogical scenarios in my head, but this time it just felt natural to go see this person. I know it sounds stupid but I'm only a teenager for another year and a bit, so I'm allowed right?  but i will just have to wait.

But mission. I so badly want to serve a mission. I know that i want the perfect family, but that can wait until after my mission. After all i will have hopefully finished my mission in three and a half years. that makes life exciting! :) Ive started to go through preach my gospel and get familiar with the scriptures; hopefully this will help a lot.
I know life wont be easy by any stretch, but I hope it gets a tad easier than what it has been! I've gotten into three colleges since being back. so hopefully my route is education. this does make me happy, a lot :)

so yeah after much moaning i think sleep should be in order, after a read of more scriptures.