Saying What You Mean

Isn't it annoying when people say stuff that they don't mean, or they say it when they're drunk? It's like argh don't say things, especially things where you think 'i really don't care what you say' but when you think this you feel harsh; It makes me feel angry! But yeah I love straight talking people, why can't everyone talk like this? Life would be so much easier if people did this. Like classic example:
boy: Oh yeah so I'm going out with 'insert random girls name' tonight
girl: oh right I'm talking to 'insert random boys name' now and he's said this
boy: oh well we're going to do this
girl: oh
boy: so do you want to do anything
girl: yeah sure

surely this would have been a much less stressful conversation if the guy or girl would have just asked?
eurgh.

But yeah rant over! Well it's not really a rant, just a message that I don't care what certain people say. I don't mean this in a harsh way but when people send you mixed messages you're like, i don't careeee!

but less then a month to Zambia! exciting isn't the word!!

Missionaries

Okay so I havent blogged in like forever! But today I have a positive thing to actually blog about! Lately things havent gone too smoothly. Theres been countless people telling me that my religion is fake, and that its a cult, and that I need to use reason and throwing in temptations such as alcohol and other things. Its also been a shock of not having the missionaries, and someone i would count as an amazing friend around me constantly. Today I had my first proper missionary meeting since Elder Jackson left, which was pretty substantial. Elder Jackson was with me straight after I was baptised up until a few weeks ago. I mainly had daily contact, but i spoke to him every single week without fail. So yeah it's safe to say that it's hard that he's gone. But i am ever so blessed to have amazing friends around me that help me a lot :).

Okay so this is a draft that I am going to finish off :)

I requested to see the missionaries the other day and it was probably the best thing that I have done.I was a bit apprehensive since Elder Jackson left but It was exactly what I needed :) Just learning things about the Missionaries is amazing. I like how I am abe to relate to some of their barriers and how they have gotten through them and how they can help out with mine. I also saw them again after that, but it was a chat with my sister and then whe she went it was a chat about how things are going etc. It was really good :) They are such amazing people :)

The Last Month

Okay so I am officially in the last month of preparing for Zambia. How's that going you may ask? A snail would beat me in the race. However I have officially started getting my injections, I only have 7 to go! :) all my forms have been sent off, well my visa is getting sent off today, and then its just getting things to pack... I'm currently sat in my aunt's house with her giving me a lecture on leaving things to last minute;I'm Mormon, that isn't going to change :) But yeah I do need to get my bottom into gear with getting stuff :) There's so much, yet so little that I need and to be perfectly honest, it isn't totally real to me yet. However I have been given baby clothes to bring over with me, which is really good :D I don't really know what else to say really. Its scary that it is i the 20's considering I have been counting for 64 days, but lets face it, I waited for 168 days for a Taylor Swift concert ;)
One thing that is going to be really hard is the fact that I am going to be away from my friends for a long time. I have been distancing from them slightly, yet getting close with others -_- But it's only for three months! it's going to go so quickly! I do however feel a lot better since I have gotten my injections now :) :) But 29 days to go! :) A little bit excited would be a lie! one thing that I am really grateful for is being able to actually keep my flat. others are having to move out and then move back in with their parents etc, I am glad that I can keep my flat and that my landlord is a top guy! :) But yeah, I need to get my act into gear with buying stuff and whatnot! :)

People

I love people. I know that may seem a bit weird saying that but I really do. Every single person is different, even if they're identical twins. I love meeting new people, especially people that have crazy amounts of energy! But what I love most about people is when you feel like you know something and they turn around and add a new bit of information and you're like wow.

Over the past few days I've been talking to a boy, not in that way, just as friends and I was really surprised with his outlooks on children. At this moment I am watching one born every minute and i am getting ever so freaked out by this show and child birth in general. It also doesn't help how people are telling me all the horrible stories about birth. So i was basically I was complaining about birth and I was really shocked with his answer. Further conversations went on where he said that he wanted 12 kids! he definitely isn't marrying me! but i was just so shocked with this. Not in a bad way.
but one conversation that has shocked me is where I thought that someone was one of the strongest people I know. He is amazing (it looks like i just talk to boys but i don't), like really amazing and to see that he feels like he has major flaws makes me sad. This person is inspirational to me, and i hold him in shining light.

so everyone who reads this. Remember that no one is like you so no one can judge you, apart from Heavenly Father obviously, but the decisions you make or are put into make you who you are. A Jessie J song would fit perfectly in this! so don't be afraid to be who you are!

Emotions like a washing machine

 

Okay so this picture is the main reason for a lot of my emotions lately. I hate feeling emotional it annoys me. Don't get me wrong I'm not sad sad, I'm more curious and tired with the longing to find out as much as I can about my brothers. 

Today I spent time with my sister, aunt and uncle. It was a great day as my amazing sister turned 21 :) officially older enough to serve a mission; pity she isn't Mormon! anyway so today we decided to visit the grave, because it brings us joy to be close to them, well it brings me joy. Today I learnt a lot about my brothers, things that saddened me. One of the things my uncle told me was how he became close to my brother Bernard after Ian died. And how Bernard struggled with it a lot. But when they thought that he had gotten over the worst of it; he went and joined him. 

I don't know what I would do if I ever lost my sister Rachel. She is so important to me. I just wish I was older so that I could have felt these feelings and helped him. 

Sad part over. I feel that I need to know something. I have this longing to know more about them, to feel them again. I cant grasp this feeling I have but i feel so peaceful when I'm at their grave; i like being close. Some people reading this will wonder why, as I was so young when they died. The answer to that would be because they share the same blood as me. Every memory I have of them is good. I love my siblings a lot. I really don't know what I would do without them <3

10 Years and Emotions

Okay so this post may seem a bit 'dreary' but Im writing this completely happy :) Today will be a whole decade since my brother Bernard past away. This obviously makes me a little sad knowing that he isnt here, but it's all peas and gravy as i get to spend eternity with him! :) Even though I know this i cant help think that its contributing to the fact that Ive been feeling stupidly emotional. This annoys me a lot as I hate feeling like I want to cry. I mean I cry when i need to but theres nothing to cry over! its so weird!
However yesterday I went to Mission President's house and saw such amazing people. Its really hard to describe it but it has to be one of my favourite places on earth. I also got to see someone that I have been missing so much recently. It really messed my head up, but in a good way! :) which sounds totally bizarre but yeah.

I have loved these past few days a lot and today I plan on spending it remembering what a great brother i have :)

Pretty Darn Good

On my bus journey back home, I came to the conclusion that I feel amazing. I have a lot of reasons to feel amazing lately, which makes me very happy. One of the main reasons is obviously Zambia. 3 months away doing hat I love doing! :) But another pretty big reason is for once in my life I'm not caught up on a boy. Some people could view this as a negative but don't you just hate it when you start to like someone so you spend a little extra time talking to them and just involving your life around them? if you're like me then you definitely do this! But that's what I hate about liking people. I can't just like someone a little bit, I have to like them a lot. But right now I don't like anyone like that. It could be that I have actually drummed it into me that I am going to be away for 3 months so there's no point but actually right now no one interests me at all. this isn't to say that people aren't interesting, but yeah i just don't. this makes me super happy! yes obviously it would be nice to have that 'special' someone who comes around for hugs and is just there, well at the moment that is the beautiful Jade Stonely for me! okay we don't cuddle but seeing and talking to this girl makes me 100% happy :D so yeah happy day! PS its only 56 days!!!